Posts tagged passive aggressive kids

I just received this great bit of feedback from a teacher in Alaska who recently completed the one-day training on The Angry Smile.  The feedback I’d like to return to her: don’t beat yourself up about the “could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve.”  We all make mistakes with the kids we are trying to help and we all wish we could do even more for them.  It’s an incredibly difficult profession!

Learning new strategies and applying them is something to feel proud of and excited about.  So, no more “Shame on me’s!”  Feel good about all of your hard work–it’s tiring and often thankless, but the rewards in lives-changed and hearts-touched are endless.

Participant’s Feedback:

For years I’ve referred to many of the behaviors on the

“Recognizing the Warning Signs” page as self-destructive. I suppose they are, but I had never viewed

them from the viewpoint of how they might be symptoms of passive-aggressive

patterns. Often knowing why a student is

acting a particular way is the one piece of information we lack, yet it’s the

most crucial one. Now I understand that

Elijah turned in poor quality work with appalling penmanship as a strategy to

deal with his anger. I can even begin to

formulate a theory as to what his anger might be about, but alas this student

has moved on from my class. I think I

will forever remember him as the student I was able to help too late. For future students, however, the Angry Smile

class has provided me with a great introduction to what I would like to learn

about passive-aggressive behavior.

I wish I could go back and say to this student, “I’m

thinking you must find this work to be a waste of your time. I think we should forget about this

assignment and work together to find some tasks that you will feel good about

doing.” Or, “I see that you might have

completed your work, but once again I am not able to clearly read your

handwriting. I really wish I could

accurately read your story, because I know you have a vivid imagination. I sometimes feel like I might be missing the

most important parts.” Did I ever tell

him in a positive way that his handwriting stunk? Never, not once in three years. Shame on me!

This is another class that I would love to explore in

greater depth. I can see myself in the fall better equipped to recognize those warning signs

and patterns, and I think that is a good first step.