Posts tagged passive aggression
Smartphones, email, and social media connect us in countless ways but can also be blamed for muddling human connection like never before. Indeed, the same technology that makes real-time contact and around-the-clock communication possible has, in many cases, drastically lessened the amount of time that human beings spend actually interacting. For the passive-aggressive person, who prefers to mask their anger and avoid direct confrontation, this technology paves the perfect path for their hidden hostility.
This article, previously posted on Psychology Today, explains four reasons why passive-aggressive behavior thrives online.
I have a love/hate relationship with all of the useless bits of information from my friends’ lives that I can find on Facebook. While I don’t always care so much about the heat intensity of an old college friend’s coffee, the naughtiness of a a neighbor’s pet, or the endless series of alternative facts from our political climate, I do keep trolling on for the occasional gems of daily life…such as this one.
Recently, a friend posted these photos of her attempt at punishing her son for his aggressive behavior toward his sister…and his passive aggressive response to them both (photos posted with permission):
Mom gives 8-year old son a simple writing assignment as a consequence for his aggressive behavior. He is to write “I will not hit or kick my sister” 15 times on a piece of paper:
8-year old son counters in this most passive-aggressive way: “I will always hit and kick my sister 15 times.”
This is a must for inclusion in my next Angry Smile training!
I saw this image today on a friend’s Facebook page and had to post it as a classic example of passive aggressive behavior in the workplace! For more information on recognizing and responding effectively to passive aggression visit the LSCI Institute online at www.lsci.org and check out our book, The Angry Smile, as well as our online and live training opportunities!
Currently, I am working on updating The Angry Smile text, for what will become the book’s 3rd edition. It’s interesting to think back on how much of my current work and writing on the topics of helping kids manage anger and teaching them to cope with bullying are tied directly to this work with understanding and changing #passiveaggressive behavior. Here’s a light-hearted “test” of how often you use Passive Aggressive Behavior in your daily life:
Looking for ways to improve your communication at home or at work? This article, written for Psych Central and featuring some of our work from The Angry Smile, offers five strategies for replacing passive aggression with assertiveness:
This week, INC Magazine online published a nice feature article about passive aggressive behavior at work, featuring several strategies from my first book (co-written with Drs. Nicholas & Jody Long) The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools and Workplaces, Check it out here:
Is there a person in your life who procrastinates, carries out tasks in intentionally inefficient ways, is quietly manipulative, creates minor but chronic irritation in others, and makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster? If so, you may be working or living with a PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE person.
REGISTER TODAY FOR THE ANGRY SMILE ONLINE TRAINING to discover how to stop frustrating arguments, endless conflict cycles, and relationship-damaging wars of words.
10% DISCOUNT: All participants who register for The Angry Smile Online course during the month of August 2013 will receive a 10% discount on the course fee! Simply enter the code FACEBOOK at checkout and the discount will be applied upon checkout.
If you have ever become embroiled in a conflict with a passive aggressive person, you know firsthand how abruptly intense your own emotional response can be. The Passive Aggressive Conflict Cycle explains how rational, straightforward, assertive adults can momentarily and unexpectedly depart from their typical personas and take on inappropriate, childlike, and unprofessional behaviors (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008). It describes and predicts the endless, repetitive cycles of conflict that occur when a passive aggressive individual succeeds in getting someone else to act out their anger for them.
In this article I recently posted on Psychology Today, I explain the psychology of the Passive Aggressive Conflict Cycle, so that adults disengage from destructive conflicts and choose relationship-building responses.
Amber had been giving her mother the silent treatment all week. She was angry about not being allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. Late Thursday night, she left a note on her mother’s pillow, asking her mom to wash her uniform before Friday’s soccer game. When Amber returned home from school on Friday in a rush to pack her gear, she looked all over for her uniform. She finally found it in the washer-perfectly clean, as per her request — but still soaking wet! Amber was late for her game and forced to ride the bench.
When all was un-said and done, Amber’s mother felt defeated. Having one-upped her daughter in the conflict, it was clear to her that she had lost by winning. As parents, most of us have been in situations where traveling the low road is irresistible and we become temporarily reckless in our driving. But anytime we mirror a child’s poor behavior instead of modeling a healthier way to behave, our victories add up to long-term relationship damage and lasting hostilities.
So, what could Amber’s mother have done differently in this hostile un-confrontation? What can any parent do to avoid the agony of victory and the defeat of healthy communication? The following guidelines offer parents strategies for maintaining their calm in a passive-aggressive storm and responding in ways that lay the groundwork for less conflictual relationships with their children and adolescents.
To read more, please click the link below or visit the original post, on the Huffington Post Parents section.