How to Disagree Without Arguing

Every individual carries a unique set of opinions, beliefs, and perspectives about the world.  Personal preferences are a large part of what make people interesting!  Sometimes, however, competing opinions cause hard feelings and anger.  Here, I present a set of assertive skills to express disagreement without expressing hostility.

“Arguing” usually occurs when two people consider each others’ opinions invalid and wrong, while in a disagreement, people uphold their own point of view but maintain respect for the other person’s opinion.

Assertive Skills to Disagree Without Arguing

• Look the other person in the eyes when speaking to him/her
• Use a calm, even tone of voice
• Speak at a regular volume
• Use precise language rather than exaggerations.  (Avoid terms like “always” and “never.”)
• Be respectful of the other person at all times
• Maintain friendliness.  This is a conversation, not a competition.
• Accept the other person’s point of view as valid
• Offer to “agree to disagree”
• Thank the person for their willingness to have a discussion

These strategies for How to Disagree Without Arguing are excerpted from Session 7 of How to Be Angry: An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids & Teens.  For more information or activity ideas on how to disagree without arguing, please check out How to Be Angry on this site or on amazon.com.