Archive for August, 2010

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>My husband and kids have been telling me about the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books and movie for months now, but it took a suggestion from an LSCI co-worker to get me to rent the just-released DVD.  The film was a huge hit with my 7-year old, not to mention chock-full of examples of passive aggressive behavior.

The scenes between older brother, Roderick, and the main character, Greg are prime examples of passive aggression between siblings.  From the opening scene, where Roderick sets Greg up to awaken at 4am for the first day of school (an entire week before school starts!) to Greg getting his own passive aggressive revenge by putting Roderick’s forbidden “girly” magazine into the hands of their baby brother (for which Roderick is grounded for 4 weeks and loses driving privileges), both brothers have the angriest of smiles and the most hilariously hostile sibling relationship.

Have you seen the film or read the books yet?  Does your relationship with your own sibling resemble the passive aggression between Roderick and Greg?

Thanks, Suzanne, for the movie recommendation!

>In many workplace settings, where adults spend the majority of their waking hours and corporate hierarchies inhibit the direct expression of feelings, a passive aggressive employee is able to sabotage everything from individual deadlines to organizational productivity.  It is critical for employers to be able to recognize passive aggressive behaviors in the workplace before these covertly hostile acts can create a negative impact on morale and decrease organizational productivity. 

Is there a sabatueur in your office?  Keeps your ears tuned for these common, telltale office phrases:

I’ll Get it to You Tomorrow

The passive aggressive employee often feels underappreciated and expresses his underlying anger through temporary compliance.  Though he verbally agrees to a task, he behaviorally delays its completion, by procrastinating, “forgetting” important deadlines, “misplacing” files, mis-using sick days, and arriving late.

No One Told Me

For the passive aggressive co-worker, it is more important to express his covert hostility than to maintain an appearance of professional competence.  He uses intentional inefficiency to complete work in a purposefully unacceptable way.  Look out for employees whose work is consistently at or below minimum standards, who insists “no one ever told me,” and who personalizes any confrontations from authority, playing up their role as victim.

You Weren’t Here, so I Just Asked Your Boss
Sabotage is the name of the game for the passive aggressive employee.  Beware of those who consistently engage in office gossip, incessantly complain about their boss, thwart workplace hierarchies, and withhold important information.

I Just Left a Message Because You Had Left for the Day
Direct, assertive communication is a skill that the passive aggressive employee has never mastered.  Sound the passive aggressive alarms whenever you notice an employee who goes to great lengths to avoid face-to-face confrontation, fails to respond to e-mails, leaves sticky notes on office doors just when they know a co-worker has stepped out, and returns phone calls only after the workday is over.

For more information on passive aggressive behavior in the workplace and how to effectively confront this destructive office dynamic, check out The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed.

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>Have you been following the back and forth acts of passive aggressive revenge between Preston and Ryan on this season of MTV’s The Real World?  The two roommates have nothing but hate for each other and have been engaged in hidden, back & forth rounds of detroying property (Preston’s cut-up beanie), stealing (Preston’s debit card), utter grossness (Ryan wiping Preston’s cigarettes on his ass) and upping the ante (Preston pissing on Ryan’s toothbrush and swirling it in the toilet). 

Despite the major wrongs on both sides, Ryan decided he was the innocent victim when he phoned the New Orleans police (who I’m pretty sure have bigger crimes to solve!) and reported the toothbrush incidents.

With MTV, it’s difficult to clip episodes, so I have to ask you to fast forward to the 90 sec scene btween 38:30 and 40:00.  For a classic and insightful explanation of the reasons behind passive aggressive revenge, you can’t get better than Preston’s apology and “confessional.”  Preston talks about how gratifying passive aggressive behavior can be to the person who commits the acts of covert hostility and also recognizes his tendencies as an “ugly characteristic”

http://www.mtv.com/videos/real-world-new-orleans-ep-6-sing-out-cop-out/1644491/playlist.jhtml

If you watch the scene that follows, you see that despite Ryan’s seemingly sincere acceptance of Preston’s apology, his own passive aggressive behavior continues, only slightly hidden beneath the scenes.  What a pair!  

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