Life Space Crisis Intervention
For the past several months, I have been working with my colleagues at the Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI) Institute to develop a training series that helps parents understand and successfully manage conflict with their kids. Based on world-renowned LSCI principles of helping adults turn conflict situations into learning opportunities for kids, the curriculum is designed to teach parents skills for effectively tuning in to kids, listening, de-escalating conflict, and relationship-building. Parents learn about the six most common patterns of self-defeating behavior and gain skills for helping their kids overcome troubling patterns.
The LSCI Skills for Parents curriculum will be formally available in the Spring of 2012, but check out the great work that LSCI Master Trainer, Dr. JC Chambers, is already doing while piloting the course. His work is featured in the Madison Daily Leader:
For more information on the LSCI Skills for Parents training, please contact me at Signe@signewhitson.com or complete the Contact form with the details of your request.
The Conflict Cycle™ is Life Space Crisis Intervention’s (LSCI) major paradigm for understanding the dynamics of escalating power struggles between adults and children. In our training courses for parents and professionals, we explain that in times of stress and conflict, kids can create in adults their feelings, and, if not trained, adults will mirror their behaviors. In the heat of the moment, when adults do what comes naturally–what thousands of years of evolution have prepared their bodies to do–they often only make matters worse. That is why understanding the LSCI Conflict Cycle is the first line of defense against fueling further conflict.
This clip from NBC’s Parenthood is a perfect example of how Kristina gets caught in a Conflict Cycle and inadvertently mirrors Max’s behavior, thus escalating their power struggle. Ultimately, both mother and son lose out. The look of defeat on her face at the end of the clip says it all.
For more information on the LSCI Conflict Cycle and training for parents and professionals, please visit the LSCI link above or visit www.lsci.org
Do you ever feel like you are riding on an emotional roller coaster with your child? Is your little one friendly and sweet one day, then sulky and withdrawn the next? Does your teenager consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall and shut down any emotionally-charged conversation? Do you, as a parent, ever resemble that same portrait? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are good that passive aggressive behavior has found a way into your home and family.
Check out my article in the Huffington Post Parents section to learn about eight of the most common passive aggressive phrases and to figure out if “sugarcoated hostility” exists in your home and family.
I had the lovely, lively opportunity to chat with Todd and Laura Mansfield, hosts of Parenting Unplugged, about How To Be Angry and ways parents can teach their kids skills for managing intense emotions. Have 20 minutes? Have a listen…
This November 18th, the New Hampshire Center for Effective Behavioral Interventions and Supports (NH CEBIS) will host a one-day training on The Angry Smile (see Workshops & Speaking Page for full details).
Do you live or work with someone who:
- Denies or represses feelings of anger
- Withdraws and sulks
- Sends hidden, coded and confusing messages when frustrated
- Procrastinates or carries out tasks inefficiently
- Is quietly manipulative and controlling
- Makes endless promises to change
- Creates a feeling in others of being on an emotional roller coater
This workshop takes an in-depth look at the roots of passive aggression, exploring the behavior at five distinct and (more…)
A few weeks ago, I posted an article by a great professional, Blogger, and founder of Kidlutions, Wendy Young. The article was called “You Don’t Really Feel That Way, Part 1.”
Here, Wendy posts Part 2, a follow-up piece that talks about how to validate kids’ emotional experiences and drain off their intense emotions effectively. I love what she has to say and how well she explains the approach. “Drain Off” is my term, not Wendy’s. Actually, it is a Life Space Crisis Intervention term, and marks the first stage of LSCI’s six stage process of helping kids with self-defeating behaviors develop insight into their patterns and improved relationships with helping adults.
I have followed Wendy’s blogs and articles for about a year now and find myself on the same page with her time after time. This is no exception. I hope you’ll check out her work and, if you like it, be sure to also check out www.lsci.org, since our training coincides so well with the kinds of thigs she is writing.
Usually, when I’m at the pool with my kids, my attention is focused on watching dives, adjusting goggles, and re-applying sunscreen. Last week, however, I had the great pleasure of talking to a teacher while we watched my 5-year old perform a series of Lemon Drops and Cannonballs into the water.
The conversation started because my little pool jumper is a total extrovert and has never met anyone who wasn’t a friend. She introduced herself to the adults around her, including to the teacher with whom I then began a conversation. In the course of talking about the joys of working with young kids, the veteran teacher shared with me many of the challenges she has faced over the years. One story, in particular, reminded me of the truism we always teach in Life Space Crisis Intervention training:
“The problems kids cause are not the causes of their problems.”
The story went something like this: (more…)
I’ve got a busy Fall planned, with several training workshops featuring The Angry Smile. Although I’ve got a good number of stories about sugarcoated hostility, excessive civility, defiant compliance, and plain old passive aggressive behavior to share, I am always looking for fresh, new examples. If you have a good example of passive aggressive behavior from a friend, family member, co-worker, parent, child, mother-in-law (those are the best!), boss, on Facebook, via e-mail, on a post-it note, or all of the above, I would love to hear it!
Please e-mail me your story to Signe@SigneWhitson.com or better yet, leave it here via the Comments section. Be sure to leave me your e-mail address; I will be sending a free copy of The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces, 2nd ed. to the best example I receive.
Spread the word. It’ll be great for my collection of real-life examples of passive aggressive behavior and probably worth several laughs for you as well, as you hear about the hilarious lengths some people go to avoid expressing their anger directly and assertively.
PLEASE NOTE: By submitting this story to www.signewhitson.com, you grant Signe Whitson a permanent, royalty-free license to use and/or reproduce this story for any purpose.
Last weekend, my daughter, her best friend, and I had a full day’s worth of activity and adventure, enjoying thrill rides at a local Summer Carnival, eating cotton candy, throwing darts at a balloon board for prizes, and following it all up with a late afternoon movie. It was Girl Time at its best!
Which is why I was totally blown away when, after dropping off her friend, my daughter’s answer to my innocent inquiry of, “So, what should we do for dinner?” was met with a raging, “Nothing! Can we just go home already! I think we’ve bonded enough for one day.” (more…)