Posts tagged assertiveness

How to Stand Up to Gossip and Cruelty

0
6 years
by in Uncategorized
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Here’s a great 2-part story, shared with permission by a friend, about her young daughter learning to use her voice to stand up to gossip and cruelty:

So, this is a story that I hope brings a chuckle to you. My youngest daughter, L, deals with and comes home with a lot of girl drama in her class and yesterday began relaying the latest. As she started, I said I didn’t want to hear anything about these girls because it’s a waste of our energy to keep spending time on their issues. While she’s never their target, they triangulate and manipulate for their own purposes and put kids like her in uncomfortable situations. She quickly stopped me, “No, mom, you need to hear how I stood up for myself. Today, _____ started saying something nasty about ____ and I said, ‘stop right there—I am NOT a part of this situation’ and _____ shrugged her shoulders and walked away”.

With that one sentence she stopped hurtful, negative energy in its tracks and sent a very clear message to a master drama queen. And she felt empowered. We applauded her and she ran out of the room with my phone. She returned with the Wonder Woman theme song blaring and dancing, showcasing her strengths as a young girl facing down mean girls and their manipulations. It’s a big thing when a child learns the power of her words, that they alone are weapons against unkindness. Proud mama moment. May we all raise wonder women.

Part 2, 4-days later:
So the girl L stopped in her tracks last week used her friendship as a weapon the next day and made L cry. I’ve been giving her scripts to say all year because of the manipulative and triangulative behavior of this girl and another. So, today, the girl said something to L, hoping to get a reaction out of her.  Eventually, L said to her, “I like friends who are respectful and show [school] pride” and the girl reacted negatively, saying “what, I’m not being respectful to you?” L responded, “well, you aren’t being very kind” to which the girl said, “well, I guess you’re not my friend anymore.”   L shrugged her shoulders and said, “OK, I’m cool with that” ………
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This is huge because L likes to be liked by everyone and it’s taken her months to be able to stand up and diffuse this girl’s intentions. I’m so very proud of her for handling it with words and am trying to show her just how effective they can be. I wanted to share in case you can use it somewhere. Each time she stands up for herself, she gets a little stronger. 
My two cents:
I happen to love every ounce of this story, but my favorite part comes at the end when my friend noted: Each time she stands up for herself, she gets a little stronger.   It is so true that each time we practice a skill, we become a little stronger and a little better at using it.  Please remind your kiddos of this–especially if they try out a new skill or strategy and it doesn’t pan out perfectly the first time.  Don’t allow them to become discouraged!  Remind them that standing up for themselves and others in respectful, effective ways is like building muscle–they may not become strong overnight, but every bit of practice in speaking up makes kids braver, stronger, and more powerful.

How to Respond to a Young Person’s Anger

0
7 years
by in anger, assertiveness

One of the most frequently asked questions I receive from teachers and parents is, How should I respond when a young person is upset or emotionally overwhelmed?”  Since self-regulation is the core of emotional well-being (not to mention a pre-requisite for academic progress), I am not just willing…but completely eager…to share practical strategies for helping kids manage intense feelings and develop self-regulation skills.

Check out my recent post from Psychology Today to find seven practical strategies for responding well to angry kiddos…and please share it with professionals, parents, and others in your network who may also find it helpful.

 

Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201709/how-respond-effectively-young-persons-anger

 

How to Be Angry Used in Homeschooling Program

0
8 years
by in anger, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, How to Be Angry, Parenting

There’s nothing that an idealistic, trying-to-change-the-world-one-child-at-a-time, do-gooder like me values more than hearing that their work is truly making a difference for others.  Yesterday, Vanessa Reinelt, a homeschooling mom of two and teacher of 4 other children, sent me this music-to-my-ears feedback:

 

We have been working through your “How to Be Angry” curriculum and already are seeing huge benefits. Our children (ages 10-13) are already identifying their anger and striving to express their anger assertively!  I have looked at many programs and resources trying to find an appropriate one to teach the kids about emotional and social health. None can compare to the depth and quality that yours provides.  I How to Be Angryfinalcoverabsolutely love the format you use. Teaching the 4 types of Anger Expression and with the healthiest (Assertiveness) as the last module.  I genuinely believe if we teach children about expressing…emotions in healthy ways, the human race will stand a chance in reaching the next millennium.

Thanks again for your time Ms. Whitson. You are truly a credit to your profession. Thank you for your amazing book. Your work is making the world a better place.

 

Thank YOU, Vanessa, for prioritizing the social and emotional health of kids!

 

If you’ve used How to Be Angry, Friendship & Other Weapons, The Angry Smile, or 8 Keys to End Bullying with students, please let me know how the experience has been for you!

New Review of How to Be Angry

0
11 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, bullying, How to Be Angry

A middle school Special Education teacher from Wisconsin recently reviewed my book, How to Be Angry, on her blog, Half-Past Kissin’ Time and on Amazon.  She has some great insights about using the book with tweens and teens.  Please check her review out here:

 

 

http://www.halfpastkissintime.com/2013/08/how-to-be-angry.html

 

How to Be Angryfinalcover

Feedback on How to Be Angry from Elementary School Students

0
11 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, bullying

Six students from the Freetown Elementary School in Maryland recently completed the How to Be Angry curriculum.  They were kind enough to share with me their feedback on the activities, lessons, and games and gave me permission, in turn, to share it with you!  Special thanks to Aimee Meyer, their teacher who led the lessons, and all of the kids who are such gracious and enthusiastic learners!

 

Most important thing I’ve learned so far …

  •   “Bullies are not cool.”
  •   “I learned how to use I messages instead of you messages all the time.” 
  •   “I learned about passive-aggressive behavior.  That’s what I do.” 
    • When prompted for more information, the student said “You know, like when I mope around, shuffle real slow down the hall, soft-talk and work real slow or not at all.  Now I know how to calm down better.”
  •   “I learned that you don’t have to take things out on someone else all the time.  I only knew how to do that.”

 

What I have enjoyed the most about these lessons …

  • “I liked when we did the activity with putting magnets underneath the types of anger. The magnets told us what the types of anger looked like and what we could do when we feel these.” 
  • “I’m moving to different parts of the room when we gained our opinions to something. We learned how to respect others’ opinions and that it’s okay to have different opinions.”
  • “I really liked the game where we lined up by our birthday but we couldn’t talk. It was hard and we had to use our hands, fingers and faces to do it.  We learned about nonverbal communication. It’s important.”
  • “I liked how there were a lot of games. There was one at the beginning of each lesson and they were pretty fun.”

 

If I could improve on this book in one way I would …

  • “Add more games. They are a lot of fun and active.”
  • “Give the kids a workbook so they each have their own.”
  • “Add pictures and colors to the worksheets or a Kid’s Workbook.”

 

Note for Educators:  Handouts for kids in How to Be Angry are reproducible!  You may feel free to make kids their own workbook to use as you are conducting each session.  The kids recommend it and so do I!

 

Thanks again, kids!

 

All the best–                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Signe

Conflict Metaphor for Kids

43
12 years
by in anger, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, How to Be Angry, Parenting

Through the wonders of Facebook, a friend of a friend of a 4th grader shared this pearl of wisdom about conflict resolution.  Only wish I had the pleasure of knowing this elementary school student personally!

 

In conflict with another person, if you come in fierce like a tiger, you’ll have to win. So only you will be happy.

If you come in like a bunny, scared, the other person will win, so only that person will be happy.

If you come in like a bird, with your wings and your heart open, both people in the conflict will win, and both will be free.

 

Will be sure to use this during How to Be Angry workshops with kids!

Referee Much? Why Sibling Rivalry Is Good for Kids

459
12 years
by in Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, Parenting

Some days, arguing comes as naturally to my kids as breathing!  I take heart, knowing that there are lessons to be learned.  Please read on and share this link if you, too, spend a lot of your parenthood hoping that all of this bickering will actually benefit your little ones down the line…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/sibling-rivalry_b_1353771.html

3 Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Angry Feelings

1079
13 years
by in anger, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls

Have you ever been in a situation where you were so overwhelmed with feelings of anger that you were at a loss for words? You had the presence of mind to know all of the things that you shouldn’t say, but weren’t quite sure how to express your true feelings without damaging your relationship. Adults often struggle with effectively communicating angry feelings. For children, this challenge is doubly difficult; kids don’t want to get in trouble for expressing themselves aggressively, but they often lack the skills for communicating assertively.

For three specific skills parents can teach kids to cope with angry feelings effectively, please check me out on Yahoo! Shine:

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/3-ways-help-child-cope-anger-151800941.html

 

Or check out How to Be Angry: An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids & Teens for even more kid-friendly strategies.

Fine! Whatever! 8 Passive Aggressive Phrases Everyone Should Know

809
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, counter-passive aggression, Levels of passive aggression, Life Space Crisis Intervention, Parenting, parents, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior in families, passive aggressive behavior in relationships, passive aggressive conflict cycle

Do you ever feel like you are riding on an emotional roller coaster with your child? Is your little one friendly and sweet one day, then sulky and withdrawn the next? Does your teenager consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall and shut down any emotionally-charged conversation? Do you, as a parent, ever resemble that same portrait? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are good that passive aggressive behavior has found a way into your home and family.

 

Check out my article in the Huffington Post Parents section to learn about eight of the most common passive aggressive phrases and to figure out if “sugarcoated hostility” exists in your home and family.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/passive-aggressive-phrases_b_1116025.html

Not Just for Grown-Ups Anymore: Why Assertive Anger Expression Skills are Helpful for Kids & Teens

663
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, kids, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children

From the time they are toddlers, children are often coaxed by adults to hide their feelings of anger behind a social smile.  Worse yet, kids hear the explicit message, “Don’t be angry,” and are actively encouraged to deny this most basic of human emotions.  When they act out—either through the tantrums of their earliest years or the rebellion of their teenage ones—they are reprimanded for all of the behaviors that adults do not want them to use.

 

Rather that hammering away at all of the things kids should not do when it comes to expressing their anger, parents and caregivers can effect lasting change in their kids anger-inspired behaviors by teaching them specific skills for how to be (more…)

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Signe Whitson is an author and educator on bullying, crisis intervention, and child and adolescent emotional and behavioral health. In her articles, books, and training workshops, Signe provides down-to-earth, practical advice for professionals and parents on navigating the daily challenges of living and working with children, tweens and teens.

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