Posts tagged cyberbullying
In my book, 8 Keys to End Bullying and in my trainings for professionals, parents, and students on strategies for dealing with bullying, I talk about the importance of dealing directly with cyberbullying–rather than throwing our hands up and believing there is nothing we can do about unwanted online aggression. I also talk about how challenging traditional advice is for young people to implement. While it’s easy for an adult to advise, “If he’s posting mean things, just block him,” this advice (albeit good advice) is incomplete in that is doesn’t acknowledge the primacy of social networks in young people’s lives and how difficult an easy thing like blocking can be.
Training sessions are great for talking through these very complex issues. Outside of training, in interactions with kids, I suggest that it is helpful for young people to be equipped with more than just Plan A (e.g. “Blocking”) for dealing with cyberbullying. In fact, young people should be prepared with Plan B, Plan C–and perhaps even Plan D–along with a whole lot of adult support in order to effectively and comfortably manage this issue.
So below, please find 10 Guidelines for Kids on how to deal with cyberbullying, representing various options that can be used simultaneously or one-by-one, on an as-needed basis. I hope you find them helpful!
Please feel free to share this post and these guidelines with friends and colleagues who may find them useful in their work or personal interactions with kids. More information and suggested strategies for dealing directly with cyberbullying are available in the 8 Keys to End Bullying book or via my training workshops for professionals, parents, and and kids.
Thanks again to all those who attended my “Friendship & Other Weapons” webinar training, via Reclaiming Youth International. Here are the answers to the Cyberlingo Quiz:
Well, imagine my surprise when I came across this video clip! Yes, I do recall talking on camera to a reporter, just prior to beginning a recent Bullying Awareness StoryTime event, but No, I had no clue that it had been produced and published online. After initial feelings of stage fright-induced nausea…it’s actually a pleasant surprise.
So, friends, introducing ME, introducing my Shredders and Builders Activity (featured in Friendship & Other Weapons) to teach young kids about the power of words and the importance of kindness in friendship.
A friend of mine from graduate school and I were just lamenting over the fact that our daughters are asking to have e-mail accounts. Well, actually, we were marveling at how time has flown and that our kids are at this age already. Ok, truthfully, we were feeling sorry for ourselves about how old we must be to have tween-age kids, but I digress…
She and I are both concerned about setting guidelines for our girls as they take big steps into the world of technology social media. Here are the sets of guidelines she and I each pieced together from our own wisdom and bits of advice on the web. I like hers better…she liked mine…together, perhaps we have a whole parent’s brain. You can feel free to pick and choose from either. Hopefully, you can find the suggestions helpful:
1. Always be kind, and do not ever use email to say ugly, nasty, or mean things about ANYONE. Not only is that not behavior not acceptable, but email can always be forwarded to someone & hurt their feelings.
2. If you don’t recognize an address in your inbox, or someone sends you a weird email, don’t touch the email & come get me or Daddy.
3. No opening attachments or clicking on links without approval.
4. Daddy and I can and will access your emails at any time. You must give us your password(s) if you change them.
5. The only computers you are allowed to access your email from is mine or Daddy’s (and Grandma’s). If you access Gmail from school, you would have to be responsible enough to “SIGN OUT” so that the next person can’t access your email. Many grown-ups can’t even remember to do this, so I’m not going to ask you to. So, no accessing emails from school until I believe you’re responsible enough to do this.
6. NEVER click the “remember me” or “remember this password?” if you do access your email from another computer (against my rules). This will allow that computer to ALWAYS remember your password without the person sitting there to even think about it.
7. Never send to anyone in an email the following: your real address, phone number, any passwords, our cell phone numbers, your birthday/date, social security number or any other identifying information–not even to someone you know. This will cause you BIG, BIG problems or put you in DANGER from people who want to harm children.
8. Don’t use “Reply all.” Many grown-ups don’t even understand how to use this properly.
9. If someone emails you telling you you won something: you didn’t. Come get one of us.
10. Don’t go into the “Spam” folder – that’s not a place for children, and I’m trusting you enough to follow this rule (and the others). If you think an email you want may have mistakenly found its way in there, ask one of us to look in there for you.
11. You are not allowed to use Google+ without our permission. That is something you can earn with good behavior and when you’re a little older.
YOUR EMAIL ACCOUNT IS A PRIVILEGE. WE CAN REVOKE THIS PRIVILEGE AT ANY TIME. WE CAN RESTRICT THE PRIVILEGE IN ANY WAY AT ANY TIME. WE EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW THESE RULES IF YOU WANT TO KEEP THIS PRIVILEGE.
SOCIAL MEDIA CONTRACT:
We believe our family values include kindness, honesty, and compassion for others. Our use of technology must reflect these values. Therefore, we recognize that having an email address, texting, using a YouTube account, and any other uses of technology must follow these rules:
- Communication (sending e-mails, commenting on videos, sending texts, etc) is for the purpose of friendship and exchange of ideas or information. It is never for spreading gossip, making rude comments, using bad language, or giving out personal information to people we don’t know.
- Technology can never be used for the purposes of humiliating, embarrassing, getting revenge upon, or hurting others in any way.
- Sending or uploading photos and videos with any personally identifying images or information are not permitted unless specially approved by Mommy or Daddy.
- Mommy and Daddy must always have access to the passwords and content for all of your technology accounts.
- Mommy and Daddy reserve the right to insist that particular sites and friends who behave in violation of our values be banned or blocked.
- No emails, texts, YouTube comments, etc after 9:00pm (school year) and 9:30pm (summer).
If these rules are not followed, the following will occur:
First violation: All technology privileges ended for 7 days.
Second violation: All technology privileges ended for 14 days.
Third violation: All technology privileges ended indefinitely.
While we understand that anyone can make a mistake, we believe that living according to our values is critically important.
For more information and suggestions for teaching kids about ethical uses of technology and social media, please check out my post on Psychology Today, Teaching Netiquette to Kids.
This article from the Cyberbullying Research Center provides great, detailed information and instructions for kids (and their parents!) on what to do if a fake Facebook profile is created about them. Check it out!
In fun professional news, I was asked to join Sears’ brand new campaign–the first major anti-bullying portal site designed to connect children, students, families, educators and communities with hundreds of bullying solutions.
Please visit sears.com/teamup to take the Power Pledge and show your support for Team Up to Stop Bullying. The full web site will have hundreds of bullying solutions and will officially launch the first week of August.
A good friend just let me know that last week, this article that I wrote for the Huffington Post was featured on AOL’s home page–very exciting! I hope it provides some helpful tips and strategies for parents, as they help a very tech-savvy generation become bully-savvy as well. Here’s an excerpt:
At not-quite-nine, I am still amazed everyday at how natural and intuitive technology usage is to my daughter and to all of her peers who have grown up with computers, cell phones, tablets and texting as part of their everyday lives. I am also aware, however, that things like Internet Safety, Cyberbullying and “Netiquette” may not register on her radar the same way they do on mine.
When she was very young, I worried about the unknown: online predators who could try to trick her into revealing personal information so that they could cause her physical harm. Now, in her tween years, I know that “stranger danger” is still a threat, but I spend more of my time worrying about the known: frenemies from her daily life who may use taunting texts, humiliating social media posts and viral videos to cause her emotional harm. It’s no wonder that when she begs me (at least once daily) for a cell phone, I feel chills run up and down my spine.
No matter how tech-savvy my daughter becomes, I am constantly aware that she is young and that it is up to me to monitor her safety and well-being with technology in the same consistent, diligent way that I ensure her well-being on a playground. These basic rules are our first line of defense in minimizing (I’m too wise to think that “preventing” is realistic) cyberbullying and using technology in safe, respectful ways:
To read about the six strategies I suggest to parents, please visit the HuffingtonPost or click this link:
“Bully” Documentary Director Talks About his Film, The MPAA Rating, and Changing the Lives of Kids in Need638
I was trying to think of a few sage words to introduce this film clip about the new documentary “Bully“…but it’s pretty clear that this interview speaks for itself.
“Be kind to unkind people; they often need it the most.”
I was reminded of this truism when Tony Shin sent me this infographic on cyberbullying. While most books, articles, and programs focus (righteously!) on the targets of bullying, his work examines the roots of bullying, calling this a predictable psychological behavior whose roots are usually planted in early childhood. An interesting perspective. What do you think?
Created by: OnlineCounselingDegrees.net