Posts tagged assertiveness

Feedback on How to Be Angry from Elementary School Students

0
10 days
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, bullying

Six students from the Freetown Elementary School in Maryland recently completed the How to Be Angry curriculum.  They were kind enough to share with me their feedback on the activities, lessons, and games and gave me permission, in turn, to share it with you!  Special thanks to Aimee Meyer, their teacher who led the lessons, and all of the kids who are such gracious and enthusiastic learners!

 

Most important thing I’ve learned so far …

  •   ”Bullies are not cool.”
  •   ”I learned how to use I messages instead of you messages all the time.” 
  •   ”I learned about passive-aggressive behavior.  That’s what I do.” 
    • When prompted for more information, the student said “You know, like when I mope around, shuffle real slow down the hall, soft-talk and work real slow or not at all.  Now I know how to calm down better.”
  •   ”I learned that you don’t have to take things out on someone else all the time.  I only knew how to do that.”

 

What I have enjoyed the most about these lessons …

  • “I liked when we did the activity with putting magnets underneath the types of anger. The magnets told us what the types of anger looked like and what we could do when we feel these.” 
  • “I’m moving to different parts of the room when we gained our opinions to something. We learned how to respect others’ opinions and that it’s okay to have different opinions.”
  • “I really liked the game where we lined up by our birthday but we couldn’t talk. It was hard and we had to use our hands, fingers and faces to do it.  We learned about nonverbal communication. It’s important.”
  • “I liked how there were a lot of games. There was one at the beginning of each lesson and they were pretty fun.”

 

If I could improve on this book in one way I would …

  • “Add more games. They are a lot of fun and active.”
  • “Give the kids a workbook so they each have their own.”
  • “Add pictures and colors to the worksheets or a Kid’s Workbook.”

 

Note for Educators:  Handouts for kids in How to Be Angry are reproducible!  You may feel free to make kids their own workbook to use as you are conducting each session.  The kids recommend it and so do I!

 

Thanks again, kids!

 

All the best–                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Signe

Conflict Metaphor for Kids

43
417 days
by in anger, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, How to Be Angry, Parenting

Through the wonders of Facebook, a friend of a friend of a 4th grader shared this pearl of wisdom about conflict resolution.  Only wish I had the pleasure of knowing this elementary school student personally!

 

In conflict with another person, if you come in fierce like a tiger, you’ll have to win. So only you will be happy.

If you come in like a bunny, scared, the other person will win, so only that person will be happy.

If you come in like a bird, with your wings and your heart open, both people in the conflict will win, and both will be free.

 

Will be sure to use this during How to Be Angry workshops with kids!

Referee Much? Why Sibling Rivalry Is Good for Kids

459
431 days
by in Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, Parenting

Some days, arguing comes as naturally to my kids as breathing!  I take heart, knowing that there are lessons to be learned.  Please read on and share this link if you, too, spend a lot of your parenthood hoping that all of this bickering will actually benefit your little ones down the line…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/sibling-rivalry_b_1353771.html

3 Ways to Help Your Child Cope with Angry Feelings

1079
499 days
by in anger, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls

Have you ever been in a situation where you were so overwhelmed with feelings of anger that you were at a loss for words? You had the presence of mind to know all of the things that you shouldn’t say, but weren’t quite sure how to express your true feelings without damaging your relationship. Adults often struggle with effectively communicating angry feelings. For children, this challenge is doubly difficult; kids don’t want to get in trouble for expressing themselves aggressively, but they often lack the skills for communicating assertively.

For three specific skills parents can teach kids to cope with angry feelings effectively, please check me out on Yahoo! Shine:

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/3-ways-help-child-cope-anger-151800941.html

 

Or check out How to Be Angry: An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids & Teens for even more kid-friendly strategies.

Fine! Whatever! 8 Passive Aggressive Phrases Everyone Should Know

809
541 days
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, counter-passive aggression, Levels of passive aggression, Life Space Crisis Intervention, Parenting, parents, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior in families, passive aggressive behavior in relationships, passive aggressive conflict cycle

Do you ever feel like you are riding on an emotional roller coaster with your child? Is your little one friendly and sweet one day, then sulky and withdrawn the next? Does your teenager consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall and shut down any emotionally-charged conversation? Do you, as a parent, ever resemble that same portrait? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are good that passive aggressive behavior has found a way into your home and family.

 

Check out my article in the Huffington Post Parents section to learn about eight of the most common passive aggressive phrases and to figure out if “sugarcoated hostility” exists in your home and family.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/passive-aggressive-phrases_b_1116025.html

Not Just for Grown-Ups Anymore: Why Assertive Anger Expression Skills are Helpful for Kids & Teens

663
571 days
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, kids, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children

From the time they are toddlers, children are often coaxed by adults to hide their feelings of anger behind a social smile.  Worse yet, kids hear the explicit message, “Don’t be angry,” and are actively encouraged to deny this most basic of human emotions.  When they act out—either through the tantrums of their earliest years or the rebellion of their teenage ones—they are reprimanded for all of the behaviors that adults do not want them to use.

 

Rather that hammering away at all of the things kids should not do when it comes to expressing their anger, parents and caregivers can effect lasting change in their kids anger-inspired behaviors by teaching them specific skills for how to be (more…)

The Agony of Victory and the Defeat of Healthy Communication

855
592 days
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, family members, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggression in girls, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior in families

Dealing with passive aggressive communication in your household?  Check out my post on Psychology Today:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201110/the-agony-victory-and-the-defeat-healthy-communication

4 Rules for Using Assertive Communication to Stand Up to Bullies

583
616 days
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying, friends, kids, Parenting

As sure as kids will go back to school each Fall in the U.S., bullying will be encountered in the classroom each school year. In these early days of August and September classes, would-be bullies are getting a feel for who they think might be an easy mark in the class. As the days wear on and a bully confirms that he or she can pick on specific classmates without their standing up for themselves, the bullying escalates. (more…)

“May I Please?” and “No Can Do:” Guidelines for Kids on Making and Refusing Requests Assertively

1152
675 days
by in assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, kids, Parenting

Do you know a child who is a little on the timid side when it comes to asking for what he needs? Does the word “pushover” come to mind when you think of how he is treated by his friends? While most kids are unreservedly bold in making and refusing requests from parents and siblings, it is quite common for youth to have difficulty asserting themselves with non-family members. Adults can help kids develop skills to assert important needs and refuse unreasonable requests by teaching fundamental assertiveness skills. (more…)

How to Be Angry: An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids and Teens

669
680 days
by in anger, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, kids, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggressive behavior in families, relational aggression

Best. Mail Delivery. Ever.

Just got home to find copies of my new book, How to Be Angry: An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids and Teens, on my front porch.  Please check it out here or at amazon.com. 

I wrote it specifically for professionals and parents to help kids learn that having angry feelings does not make you bad; it makes you human.  Learning how to effectively cope with and express those feelings in ways that enhance–rather than damage–relationships is the key.

How to Be Angry is packed with discussion-starters, games, and kid-friendly activites to help young people learn how to express their anger in assertive, relationship-building ways.  It features two chapters on standing up to bullies, as well as tips on disagreeing without arguing, making and refusing requests, and responding to others’ anger.

I hope you enjoy it…check back and let me know what you think!

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