Posts tagged Being a Mom
From the brilliant woman who, about a week or so ago, brought us the Don’t Carpe Diem article about how challenging it can be to “savor every moment” as parents of little ones…here is another inspired piece about Mommy Guilt…or more precisely, what a shame it is that women make each other feel guilty for their individual choices as parents. An excerpt…
So, angry, debating ladies… here’s the thing. My daughter is watching me AND you to learn what it means to be a woman. And I’d like her to learn that a woman’s value is determined less by her career choices and more by how she treats other women, in particular, women who are different than she is. I’d like her to learn that her strength is defined by her honesty and her ability to exist in grey areas without succumbing to masking her insecurities with generalizations or accusations. And I’d like her to learn that the only way to be both graceful and powerful is to dance among the endless definitions of the word woman… and to refuse to organize women into categories, to view ideas in black and white, or to choose sides and come out swinging. Because being a woman is not that easy, and it’s not that hard.
So, maybe instead of tearing each other up, we could each admit that we’re a bit torn up about our choices, or lack thereof. And we could offer each other a shoulder or a hand. And then maybe our girls would see what it really means to be a woman.
Think this much is amazing and so, so right on? Check out her full article here on the HuffingtonPost.
A clean house is a waste of my daughters’ childhood…and other important lessons role modeled by my Mom. Please check out:
15 months ago, a dear friend of mine–one of those fun, witty, down-to-earth, all around easy to love ladies–was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer. She has three awesome kids, close in age to my own, and a will to live like you can’t believe. I am talking serious, cry-just-thinking-about-it bravery and grace and poise and wisdom. God, I am so lucky to know her.
In updating her friends on her treatment, progress, and setbacks since her diagnosis, she has written the most beautiful, inspirational, and honest accounts. I keep every single one.
In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, I asked her if I could share one of her most recent e-mails. She, of course, allowed (more…)
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
As a mom, I am always on the lookout for teachable moments. I’m sure my kids will moan and groan in their teenage years about how “everything with Mom has to be a ‘thing’” but I can’t help myself; I’m a processor and I like to think that helping my kids think through everyday events will fortify them with valuable life lessons.
Over the years, I do believe I have taught my children some great lessons about such things as the importance of kindness, our responsibility to protect the Earth, and the power of love. What is more profound, however, are the lessons my children have taught me. Far beyond anything I have learned in high school, college, graduate school, or any of my experiences in between, my children have taught me lessons about how to really live:
I love to go on walks with my family. We walk in our neighborhood, at local parks, and along a path nestled between an old shipping canal and a lake. When I think about a walk, my mind usually goes right to my destination; where does the path lead and where does it end?
Some of the finest lessons my teacher-children have taught me is to put aside the destination, and focus on the journey. My kids have taken my black and white world and splashed so much color into it, that it’s like I’m seeing with new eyes. Furry animals, colorful flowers, teeny bugs, pretty leaves, you name it, my kids see it (and pick it up, and name it, and want to keep it.) They remind me to slow down and notice the world, rather than just walk right through it. I love that about them!
I am a licensed clinical therapist, professionally trained to help people with their problems. What I never mastered in school or in practice, but have learned by being a student of my own children, is to listen. Because of my children, I finally realize that it is better, more selfless, and ever so much more helpful to put a lid on my own speech, and just purely listen to others. I wish I had always known that. What a gift to give—allowing others to feel heard and understood.
If I had to sum it all up, these would be the two words I’d use. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am “efficient.” I multi-task with the best of ‘em and manage to accomplish an awful lot in a day. (In other words, I am a Mom.)
What my children have taught me is that it is better to be a human being than a human doing. When we walk together or spend an extra 20 minutes before bed laughing and playing, we enjoy our finest moments. My lists, errands, tasks, and must-do’s will always be there, but my children are only young once—and for too short a time.
Kids can be our greatest teachers. When I am ready, mine are always there to show me what I really need to know.
I am down and out with a stomach flu today–graciously shared with me by my daughter who had it two days ago.
Though I am feeling awful, I can’t help but be grateful for two little girls who are doing their best to care for me (even making me a bowl of cereal when eating was the LAST thing I wanted to consider…it’s the thought that counts!) and better yet, to take care of their own needs today. I was thinking that even a year ago when I had a similar stomach bug, I had to muddle through despite the sickness, since my two little ones needed me for so many things.
Now, despite my older daughter resisting every step toward learning to do things for herself (i.e. brushing her own hair, making her own breakfast, hanging up her own used towels,), it sure feels great today to her and to me that she has taken on these milestones of self-care–not matter how grudgingly she entered into them. Today, she is proud of herself for all that she can do on her own (my goal exactly!) and I am grateful that I pressed the issue–especially on a feel-awful-day like today.
Four of the most piercing words my daughter has ever said occurred yesterday: “Mama, you’re not listening.” She was trying to tell me her side of a story that I thought I already knew. I was trying to be “SuperMama” and wow her with my quick and mighty problem-solving powers. Silly, superhero. My daughter didn’t want or even need to be saved—she just hoped to be heard.
In my rush to “make it all better,” I neglected two of the most important gifts a parent can offer a child: the opportunity to be listened to and the chance to feel understood. What follows are this superhero’s “quick tips” for slowing down and becoming a better listener: (more…)
It was the deer in headlights expression on my daughter’s face that I noticed first. Next, it was the angry finger pointing of a girl I did not know that made me think, “I better go see what park mishap is occurring.” By the time I stood next to the two girls, the other girl had put her finger away but explained to me with great feeling that my daughter had climbed up on the tire swing, even though she had been saving it for her little brother.
While her defense of her little brother was admirable (boy, do I wish my big brother would have stood up for me like that when we were kids!), it was also obvious that her toddler brother—sliding down the kiddie slide with his mother at the other end of (more…)
Love this site. Adore this article. Great, practical strategies for parents grappling with the question of “what is age-appropriate for my daughter?”
I especially love the idea of letting our daughters know that it’s okay to enjoy getting to be young–that growing up quickly doesn’t (more…)
Stay at Home Moms
by Jennifer Johnson on Tuesday, May 17, 2011 at 1:09am
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the (more…)
Check out this great, relieving, totally honest piece about parenting from Dr. Robyn Silverman. Ahhhh, I feel so much better about my not-so-perfect parenting already…
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