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>Encouraging Your Child to Talk About Bullying
715 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>On September 3rd, bus-cam video was featured on all of the TV news channels, framing the story of a father who stormed his 12-year old daughter’s school bus and went off on a curse-laden tirade against the youngsters who were accused of bullying his child. With a little media spin and a lot of repetition of a context-free video clip, James Jones looked like a hot-head. Indeed, the had-it-up-to-here dad had exceeded his limit of tolerance for the out-of-control verbal and physical abuse his daughter, Chatari Jones, had been experiencing on the bus. Admittedly, his response was not ideal.
But there was something powerful about watching Jones, interviewed along with his wife and daughter on NBC’s The Today Show, that revealed the complexity of emotion behind Jones’ unsophisticated rant:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/39497160#39497160
There is so much I want to say about this news story—and so much that has already been written about the epidemic of bullying amongst today’s young people. What struck me perhaps the most, however, was this young victim’s delay in telling her parents about the abuse. Chatari Jones explained to Matt Lauer that at first, she didn’t tell her parents about kids on the bus who smacked her on the head, twisted her ear, and shouted rude comments at her, because she was worried about being called a “tattletale” and fearful that the bullying would worsen.
Like Chatari, most young people hesitate to tell adults about physical violence, threats of harm, rumor-spreading, or any of the behaviors that fall along the painful continuum of bullying. How can you help make sure that your child talks with you promptly about incidents of bullying?
Create Awareness in Kids
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, bullying occurs when a person or group repeatedly tries to harm someone who is weaker. Bullies victimize others in order to gain power and control. They typically select targets who are unlikely or unable to fight back.
From an early age, make sure that your son or daughter recognizes bully behavior in all of its various forms. Bullying includes overt physical actions like hitting and kicking along with “relational aggression” in the forms of social exclusion and public humiliation (including the publicly broadcast video of a private sexual encounter that contributed to the recent suicide of a promising young man at Rutgers University.)
Create Awareness in Adults
Encourage your child to tell trustworthy adults about any instances of bully behavior, either in his own life or that he sees occurring with a peer. Sometimes kids feel like adults never do anything—so why even bother to tell them? Though some parents, teachers, or other adults may fail to recognize the seriousness a bullying situation, more often, grown-ups are unaware of harassment on the bus, locker-room taunts, cafeteria exclusions, and cyber-bullying. Make sure your child knows that it is his job to create awareness.
Telling vs. Tattling
Does your child worry that if he “tattles,” the bullying will worsen? Help him to realize that this is exactly what the bully wants him to think! Isolation is how the bully operates. It is only by telling an adult that your child can end the isolation that the bully has begun.
Be clear in teaching your child that telling an adult about bullying is not a mark of cowardice, but rather a bold, powerful move. When the bully realizes that his intended victim is brave enough to connect with others, he loses his stronghold.
Act Quickly
The longer a bully has power over a victim, the stronger the hold becomes. Oftentimes, bullying begins in a relatively mild form—name calling, teasing, or minor physical aggression. After the bully has tested the waters and confirmed that a victim is not going to fight back, the aggression worsens. Name calling becomes public humiliation. Teasing grows into group ostracism. Pushing and shoving escalates to punches and assault.
Teach your child that when he lets bullying behavior go on unchecked, he lets his power slip away steadily. Taking action against the bully—and taking it sooner rather than later—is the best way to re-balance the power dynamic.
A designer clothes boutique has partnered with me to help bring articles about parenting, bullying, and anger-expression styles to their community. The next time you are in the market for trendy baby clothing, including unique headbands, baby hats, and fashion-forward pettiskirts and tutus for little ones, please check them out.
>Slap the Chicken
615 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>Great passive aggressive clip and angry smile example on last night’s episode of ABC’s Modern Family. At the beginning of the clip, Gloria is open and honest with her anger at Jay for not respecting her Colombian customs, but when she finds her direct expressions mocked, she turns to more covert means of getting her point across:
http://www.hulu.com/embed/whhZ7RQAyoniqqWL3nT1OQ/557/631
The “interview” clips are always the best part of this show. I love her self-satisfied angry smile as she explains her chicken-slapping revenge. Can’t get enough of this show!
A baby clothes boutique is supporting my efforts to educate parents and professional by providing articles like this one and many more to the community. Check them out when you need to find that perfect outfit for your little one, they have it all baby headbands, baby shoes, baby hats, and everything in between.
>The Angry Smile at UMBC
915 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>On Tuesday, I had the honor and pleasure of guest lecturing at the University of Maryland Baltimore County to a group of 20 students taking a freshman psychology seminar on passive aggressive behavior and using The Angry Smile
One student asked me about the best way to prevent passive aggressive behavior from occuring. Complex child-rearing and developmental conditions aside, the answer I gave was relatively simple:
When family members, relatives, partners, spouses, co-workers, bosses, teachers, and anyone else who interacts with an angry person make it clear that they are open and willing to receive that person’s anger–that their honest and direct expression of anger will be tolerated, accepted, and even honored for its honesty–they provide the kind of environment in which indirect, passive aggressive communication styles are unnecessary.
A baby clothes boutique is supporting my efforts to educate parents and professionals by providing articles like this one and many more to the community. Check them out when you need to find that perfect outfit for your little one, they have it all baby headbands, baby shoes, baby hats, and everything in between.
>"Paybacks" are Rough! Survivor: Nicaragua – Episode 2
515 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>When Holly gets upset at her tribemate for talking badly about her, she needs to find a way to get her anger out. Giving sand to a city boy is her hidden revenge!
Check out this clip from Survivor: Nicaragua – Episode 2 for one of the Angriest Smile’s
http://www.cbs.com/e/XAE7_DQSAkBqbmUigkGI6vGaEU7axJxv/cbs/1/
A baby clothes boutique is supporting my efforts to educate parents and professional by providing articles like this one and many more to the community. Check them out when you need to find that perfect outfit for your little one, they have it all baby headbands, baby shoes, baby hats, and everything in between.
>Filling Out School Forms: The Oldest Husband vs. Wife Passive Aggressive Trick in the Book on ABC's The Middle
615 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>It’s season premiere week for the TV networks and what makes for better, more hilariously relatable comedy than passive aggression between spouses? Check out this clip from ABC’s The Middle as Frankie guilts Mike into filling out school forms, when all he really wants to do is go to sleep. Instead of getting mad or refusing to help, Mike uses the oldest passive aggressive trick in the book–Intentional Inefficiency–to get out of the chore.
http://www.hulu.com/embed/zsoQor7tddUPgt1oM6O86Q
My Baby Clothes Boutique is partnering with me to provide articles, such as this one, to parents and professionals. Check them out whenever you need to find that perfect outfit for your little one. They have it all: adorable baby headbands, cute baby shoes, trendy baby hats, and everything in between!
>Lessons from Ariel: Why NOT to be a Princess
215 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>So, I’m reading the fantastic new book by Odd Girl Out 
Then, stopped in my feel-good tracks, I see this YouTube video:
What a riot…but what a fright as well! I don’t wanna get all preachy–the humor of this type of video is so much more effective–but wow!
Then again, who would role model herself after a girl whose waist in only 1/4 of the size of her head…
Simmons’ bookhttp://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=passivea0d-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=014311798X&fc1=000000&IS2=1<1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr is now even more true and important to me than it was even five minutes ago. Must keep reading…need to see what she says about counteracting powerful, sugar-coated, toxic media messages…
A baby clothes boutique is supporting my efforts to educate parents and professional by providing articles like this one and many more to the community. Check them out when you need to find that perfect outfit for your little one, they have it all baby headbands, baby shoes, baby hats, and everything in between.
>Real World New Orleans | Ep. 10 | Getting Down, Blowing Up
515 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>Real World New Orleans Ep. 10 Getting Down, Blowing Up: “The roommates might have finally had enough of Ryan’s inconsiderate behavior.”
Danielle or Ryan? Who is the better living example of passive aggressive behavior? They’re both so good at their backhanded rage and covert anger, it’s hard to pick a favorite! How would you weigh in?
In The Angry Smile, we explain the dynamics of the Passive Aggressive Conflict Cycle, a paradigm that describes why so many people who work or live with a passive aggressive person experience sudden and uncharacteristic emotional outbursts. In fact, most people involved in daily interactions with a passive aggressive individual are ultimately beaten down by the relationship.
This episode of The Real World features classic clips of how Ryan calmly discharges “drops” of his hidden rage on his roommates. In the “Confessional,” he admits his underlying anger to TV viewers but in person with his roommates, he is unable to be honest or direct about his feelings, choosing instead to “forget” where he parked the group’s car, fail to pick up after himself, and sabotage Erik’s romance (to name just this week’s antics).
The real dynamics of the Passive Aggressive Conflict Cycle come into play as we watch Erik’s middle-of-the-night confrontation of Ryan. Erik is the most level-headed of all the housemates, but this episode traces his slow, steady accumulation of rage and his eventual, uncharacteristic blow-up.
The confrontation can be found about 30 minutes into the episode, but if you have the time, the events leading up to it are key in understanding how Ryan inspires Erik to a roller coaster of emotions and an explosive confrontation.
If you are interested in reading more about passive aggressive behavior in families and friendships, please check out The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces
>The Lighthouse Story and Why Adults Must Sometimes Divert Course
615 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>As a Trainer for the Life Space Crisis Intervention Institute for the past decade, I have had many wonderful opportunities to teach (and learn from!) parents and professionals who live and work with troubled and troubling children. One of the first orders of business during any LSCI training course is to talk about the importance of adults being able to move beyond rote consequences and rigid stances in order to respond to a child’s individual needs. We teach that considering the story behind surface behaviors is essential for successful relationship-building and crisis management.
This video tells the story in a nutshell:
Have you ever felt like the captain in your work or home interactions with children?
I know I have! The ability to train and blog about effective practices with young people does not always surmount human nature’s drive to “be right” or a parent’s expectation to “be obeyed.” Nonetheless, I remind myself that there are few better gifts I can give my kids than to make them feel heard and understood and to consider the feedback they are providing through their actions.
Do your kids ever pose as lighthouses?
When they are tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or just plain (gasp!) right about something, kids can dig in their heels and become immovable. The ability to maintain flexibility with kids–both those we parent and those we may work with–sends the all-important message that they are unique individuals with important needs that deserve recognition and consideration. In the case of being up against a lighthouse-like child, the willingness to change course every now and then prevents the lasting damage of a painful collision.
This clip can also be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brNX4xqlXJE
My Baby Clothes Boutique is partnering with me to provide articles, such as this one, to parents and professionals. Check them out whenever you need to find that perfect outfit for your little one. They have it all: adorable baby headbands, cute baby shoes, trendy baby hats, and everything in between!
>The Season Finale of The Real Housewives of NJ Delivers!
715 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>The passive aggressive person lives for indirect expressions of anger and covert acts of aggression; facing direct confrontation about their feelings and behaviors is among their greatest fears. On last week’s Season 2 Finale of The Real Housewives of NJ, Caroline causes Danielle to face her worst nightmare when she requests a face-to-face meeting to address the “nonsense” of their tangled family drama:
http://www.hulu.com/embed/hdPoH-D645E1csaOgdvOrQ
Most passive aggressive people have a perception of being chronically mistreated and underappreciated. They cast themselves in the role of “victim,” which allows them to feel justified in hurting others in passive aggressive ways. This season, Danielle’s revenge on her housewife cast mates comes primarily through actions toward their children, as Caroline explains in the clip above. Her season-dominating legal wrangling with Jacqueline’s daughter, Ashley, is the best example, highlighting the difference between direct aggression (Ashley pulling Danielle’s hair extensions) and passive aggression (Danielle using the media to publicly damage Ashley’s reputation and perjuring herself by claiming that threats were made on her life.) Danielle also took shots at the other kids throughout the season, including calling Caroline’s son a homosexual slur, and taking this hilarious, snarky shot at Teresa’s children (all under the age of eight):
http://www.hulu.com/embed/4jRECua384SS6QP5YvqMjg/379/397
The Real Housewives of NJ is like the made-for-TV version of The Angry Smile, bringing all of the book’s theory and explanations of passive aggressive behavior to life. I couldn’t have written a better script–and no one would have believed it if they weren’t seeing it play out on TV each week! Now, rumor has it that the Bravo network has fired Danielle! Will there be a third season without the passive aggressive diva?
I’m a week behind on my TV watching because I was on vacation…must now go watch the DVR’d clip of the Reunion episode. Has anyone seen it yet? What passive aggressive minefields am I in for?
If you are interested in reading more about passive aggressive behavior in families and friendships, please check out The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces.