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>Recognizing Passive Aggression in the Workplace
81616 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>In addition to Passive Aggressive Diaries, I have been Blogging for Psychology Today.com. Here’s an item I recently posted there on passive aggressive behavior in the workplace:
His workplace resume reads something like this:
Work History
• Avoiding responsibility for tasks
• Doing less when asked for more
• Missing deadlines
• Withholding information
Professional Activities
• Leaving notes and using e-mail to avoid face-to-face communication
• Arriving late to work; extending lunch break
• Using sick days during major team projects
• Resisting suggestions for change or improvement
Special Qualifications
• “Forgetting” and “misplacing” important documents
• Embarrassing co-workers during meetings and presentations
• Justifying behavior with plausible explanations
• Consistently behaving this way across most workplace situations
Does someone in your office boast these passive aggressive credentials?
Passive aggression is a deliberate and masked way of expressing hidden anger. In many workplace settings, where adults spend the majority of their waking hours and corporate hierarchies inhibit direct expression of feelings, the passive aggressive employee is able to sabotage everything from individual deadlines to department morale to organizational productivity. It is critical that employers be able to recognize passive aggressive behaviors in the workplace before they negatively impact output and efficiency. Do any of your workers exhibit these common tactics of passive aggressive workers?
Temporary Compliance
The passive aggressive employee often feels underappreciated and expresses his underlying anger through temporary compliance. Though he verbally agrees to a task, he behaviorally delays its completion, by procrastinating, “forgetting” important deadlines, “misplacing” documents, or arriving late. For the passive aggressive worker who feels under-acknowledged by colleagues and management, acts of temporary compliance are most satisfying.
Intentional Inefficiency
The passive aggressive worker feels it is more important to express his covert hostility than to maintain his appearance of professional competence. He uses intentional inefficiency to complete work in a purposefully unacceptable way:
Tom felt snubbed when passed over for a promotion. He decided to go about his job in a new way; the quantity of his output did not change, but his work became marred with missed details, important omissions, and critical errors. Though Tom never missed a deadline and took on every requested assignment, the quality of his final product had a way of creating embarrassing moments for unsuspecting supervisors caught presenting misinformation.
To protect your office from the passive aggressive saboteur, look out for employees whose work is consistently at or below minimum standards, who insists “no one told me,” and who personalizes any confrontations from authority, playing up their role as victim.
Letting a Problem Escalate
Teamwork and communication are key to productivity in the workplace. When a passive aggressive employee withholds important information or deliberately fails to stop a momentary glitch from turning into an irreversible gaffe, entire operations can be halted or even shut down. The (mis)use of sick days is an area of particular vulnerability in the workplace:
Brenda called in sick the day before a major deadline, knowing that her presence was critical to her department’s success. She took great pleasure in single-handedly foiling the quarterly report and in the resulting company-wide affirmation that without her, the department could not succeed.
Sabotage is the name of the game for the passive aggressive employee who justifies her characteristic crimes of omission by saying, “I didn’t do anything.”
Hidden but Conscious Revenge
In contrast to the inaction that marks the previous tactic, some workers use covert actions to get back at superiors against whom they hold a grudge. The passive aggressive employee is keenly aware that the person with whom he is angry has enough power and authority to make his professional life miserable, so he decides it is not safe to confront him directly. Whether it be through spreading gossip that maligns the boss’s reputation or planting a computer virus that shuts down office IT systems for a week, the passive aggressive employee feels justified in taking secret revenge in the workplace.
By the nature of their covert acts, passive aggressive employees are skilled at evading the long arm of the workplace law. Unchecked, a compliant rule-breaker can have a major impact on an organization’s productivity and morale. When employers understand the warning signs and quickly recognize passive aggressive patterns, they can protect their workplaces from being the unwitting victim of this ideal office crime.
>John & Kate & a lot of Hate
58116 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>So, do you think John Gosselin’s being a little bit passive aggressive these days? Calling a 90-day halt to the divorce proceedings and draining the joint bank account right after he gets cut out of the TV show?
How about Kate’s PA behavior–making the rounds of the TV talk shows, badmouthing John, while claiming that she’s “only stating the facts…” and “just doing it so that her kids know the truth.”
Is Kate a great example of the type of personality that elicits passive aggressive behavior from others? In older episodes, do you recall seeing John’s passive aggression?
Share examples from episodes here…
>Passive Aggressive E-mail Boxing
416 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>Check out this great video from YouTube…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgfIaR8_ALE
Have any examples of your own PA e-mail exchanges?? Share them here!
>Kids Can Play at this Game Too!
6316 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>Lest you think that passive aggressive behavior is only for the experienced antagonizer, it should be noted that younger children are perfectly capable of using compliant defiance. Like their older counterparts who gather that passive aggression can be more satisfying (and often less likely to result in punishment or immediate confrontation) than overt aggression, even preschool-aged children catch on to the fact that a tantrum in the candy aisle will result in being whisked out of a store, but pretending not to hear Mommy say “Look but don’t touch” can easily result in an “accidentally” unwrapped candy bar and subsequent chocolate purchase!
I witnessed two funny examples of preschool passive aggression just yesterday:
My three year old was happily playing with her father, but after a time, he needed to make work phone calls, so he ended their playtime…much to her disgruntlement…and walked into his home office, closing the door behind him. Keen enough to understand that yelling outside of his door would result in consequences she did not want, our daughter did the next best thing outside of that door; she locked it. If Daddy wanted to work in his office, then she could help make that happen, since he now had no way of getting out!
She was subtle enough in her act of passive aggression, that I didn’t even notice her locking of his door. She and I then spent a good 90 minutes together in another part of the house…a part far, far away by my design, as my intention was to keep my husband’s office area nice and quiet. As it turned out, he spent most of that hour and a half knocking on his own door, hoping we would be close enough to hear and let him out! Guess she showed him…
My second observation was at a karate studio, where 5-8 year olds were taking their afternoon class. A 4-year old little sister was eager to join her sibling in the class. Though she had an understanding of the studio’s rules against non-students going “on the mat” and she could clearly hear her parents’ repeated admonishments not to enter the studio, she entertained herself by testing all of the limits given. With a classic angry smile on her face, she kept stepping on the mat and looking back at her mom, waiting for her mom to notice. When her father would warn her to step back, she smiled a little bigger and stepped forward. As her parents grew more and more frustrated with having to repeatedly warn her and carry her out of the studio, her enjoyment of the passive aggressive game increased. It was one of those moments that was cute from an observer’s point of view…maddening from a parent’s perspective…and oh, so amusing from the child’s!
Please Comment here, sharing your own stories of passive aggressive behavior by children.
>The Perfect Office Crime
616 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>In The Angry Smile, we dedicate an entire chapter to describing why workplaces can be especially ripe for passive aggressive behavior–by employees and bosses alike. Here are a few of the funny stories we’ve collected since the book was published. Please add your own in the Comments section!
Posted by Mike on 1/21/09
I have a co-worker who relies on e-mails and phone calls anytime he wants to communicate–even though we all work together in the same office building, on the same floor! Most of the time, it would be quicker for him to just get up out of his seat and tell me something face-to-face than it is for him to dial my extension or type it out, but he always avoids personal contact. It is really annoying, so I make it a point to never answer phone calls when I see they are from him and to ignore anything he sends in an e-mail!
Posted by Kelli on 1/19/09
Jeff was the kind of co-worker who liked everything to be “just so.” Whether it was his own appearance (never so much as a hair out of place) or the office supply room (small paper clips here, medium clips there), his need for order bordered on obsession.
One day, when I walked away from our office’s public workspace for one minute to get a file from my office, Jeff “cleaned up” several stacks of documents that I had been very carefully sorting. 45 minutes of my time was wasted when I had to re-sort and verify the correct ordering of the piles, and I was pissed! When I confronted Jeff about his interference with my work, he gave a lame apology, saying he was just trying to keep the office clean.
Since he was a Senior Account Executive and I was new to the office, I didn’t feel like I could defend my “mess,” but I did make it a point for the next month or two to keep Jeff busy cleaning. When re-filling supplies, I would put small, medium, and large paper clips all in a single container, and watch him take an hour out of his work day to re-sort them one by one. When he wasn’t in his cubicle, I would move his carefully placed pen from the left side of desk calendar to the right side and get a kick out of his puzzled expression when he found his order disturbed. It probably wasn’t very nice of me to interfere with his need for order, but it did help me get over my grudge at having my piles disturbed!
Posted by Yama Nusraty on 9/16/09
In my work experience, I have to deal with what has to be the most worthless courtesy clerks ever to be employed by Safeway. Courtesy clerk is the name given to the entry level position which limits the responsibilities of the employee to the most basic of duties (cleaning, bringing back grocery carts and helping customers). One courtesy clerk in particular takes the ticket. I’ll call him Randy. A typical workday for Randy consists of him clocking in 5-10 minutes late, walking around the store aimlessly for the entire shift, and then clocking out 5-10 minutes early. My last work shift, I thought it would be wise to show Randy what real work was all about, so I found 4 different dairy products that were out of date and asked Randy to throw them away. Since the product was outdated, Randy had to go through all other similar products on the shelf to see if they too were outdated. Later that evening, I brought in a grocery cart from outside and started to fill random groceries in it. When the cart was filled to an ample amount, I handed Randy the cart and told him a customer forgot his wallet and didn’t want to buy the groceries anymore. Randy was forced to put the items away. By the end of the day Randy earned his paycheck.
Posted on 1/23/09 by Spike
While this is not necessarily a funny example, I think it is a great example of passive aggressive behavior. I work in an industry that employs many blue collar workers working at an hourly rate. By nature of the job they have very little leverage over their boss, the manager. They are easily replaced by a new worker who can become proficient at their task in a matter of days or weeks. The only time they have any leverage is that once a year when the manager tries to squeeze in that much needed vacation. This is the time they choose to quit without notice or just stop showing up, leaving the manager in a lurch and not able to take their vacation. This is not something I have seen happen once or twice but more like forty or fifty times! As with most passive aggressive personalities these people are willing to do damage to themselves just to get at their intended target. These employees often work at the job for several years and do excellent work until they quit abruptly. When a potentially new employer calls the old employer for a reference on the employee. The answer is always a negative one, Terminated – Job abandonment. In the short term the employee sticks it to the manager, but in the long term it is the employee who suffers.
What kind of passive aggression is going on in your workplace?
>Airing our Dirty Laundry
101716 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>Passive Aggressive Diaries has been getting a good collection lately of stories about sugarcoated hostility in relationships. So many of them center around household chores…here’s a funny one posted by Shelly Schoenberg on 9/30/09:
When I lived with my boyfriend I used to do the laundry. Every Monday and Wednesday I would take a laundry basket to my mom’s house to do the clothes. Since we lived in an apartment, if I did the clothes there I would have to pay about four dollars a load. Our apartment was on the third floor. I am not a big person so I had trouble carrying this big basket down the steps. I would ask my boyfriend to take the basket to my car every Monday and Wednesday before he went to work.
My boyfriend is a slob and a construction worker. He would come home from work, take his clothes off right at the door, and leave them there. Meanwhile as the week progressed so did the mound of clothes behind the door. He also left clothes scattered around the house and never picked up after himself.
One Monday morning I asked him to quickly pick up his clothes from around the house, throw them in the basket, and take the basket out to my car so I could do the clothes. He threw a temper tantrum and said that he “didn’t have time, and why couldnt I just do it”. I told him that instead of wasting time complaining to me he could have had the clothes picked up and in the basket. He said a few nasty choice words and left, leaving the basket for me to carry and his clothes to pick up.
Well at 5am I was not very pleased with his actions. So, I took all of his clothes out of the basket and threw them on the mound of clothes that was already mounting behind the door. I proceeded to take my clothes to my moms and wash them. When I came back to the house, I found him sitting on the couch staring at the pile. He asked me if I washed clothes, I told him yes I did (trying my hardest not to smile). He said “why is there a pile of my clothes behind the door then?” I simply answered “Were your clothes in the basket? Because if they were then I did them, if not then, no, they didn’t get done.” He was furious because he was out of clothes for a week. Now he does his own clothes.
Where have you experienced passive aggression in your relationship? Do chores like laundry, errands and dishwashing bring out the worst in you? Please leave your own stories of sugarcoated hostility here!
>Passive Aggression for the Obsessive Compulsive
47116 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>When kids feel the heat of angry adults, they have many choices in how to react. Some return the anger with physically aggressive behavior. Others remain passive and walk on eggshells to placate the adult. This example, submitted by Robert on 9/27/09, shows a child with his own style of responding to an playmate’s hostile mother:
As a child I was occasionally forced to endure the overbearingly strict rules enforced by my friends’ parents. At this point it is important to note that I believe rules are essential for any child. In the case of my friend Dave Thompson however, his parents didn’t just set the ordinary rules as expected from any parent.
Upon arrival at Dave’s house, I would be given the ‘orientation’ by his mother, in which she would warn me of the repercussions for touching or moving anything besides what she had given Dave to play with for the day. Even these toys had to be returned before beginning any new activity, the punishment being ‘automatic suspension’ from Dave’s house for the foreseeable future. Every time I moved away from the toys we had been given for even a second, Dave’s mother would appear, hovering over us, watching over my every move.
Eventually I grew tired with these overbearing rules, along with Dave’s constant insecurity at upsetting his mother. I realized my own inability as a young child to face up to this fearsome woman, so devised the perfect plan to take revenge in my own subtle way. I noticed that his mother was constantly obsessing that every item in the house be situated exactly where she wished it to be. I convinced Dave to join me in my evil retaliation scheme. We moved every item in the playroom ever so slightly out of position, just enough that it wouldn’t be noticeable to any regular human being, besides to our very own Mrs. Thompson of course.
Think he was ever invited back? How long do you think it took Mrs. Thompson to rearrange her world?
What did you do when you were a kid to deal with the mean parent on the block?
>Un-Friending
57016 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>My cousin just passed on a very 21st century example of passive aggressive behavior: un-friending people on Facebook, without telling them.
Have you done it? Please share…
>Passive Aggression at the UN
916 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>Here’s a great look at passive aggression on the world’s stage. Check out this clip from Th Daily Show with John Stewart, featuring the speech of Iranian President Ahmadinejad at the United Nations:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-september-24-2009/international-house-of-fruitcakes
If you can’t click on the link directly, please cut and paste it into your browser. Enjoy!
>Passive AGGRESSIVE
416 years
by admin
in Uncategorized
>
As an author, I’m not sure I can say that these fit a textbook definition of “passive aggressive,” but as a Blogger…these are pretty funny!
