Signe Whitson

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. In hopes for more civility and decency nationwide, among people of ALL ages, I’ll be sharing some key articles, strategies and insights. Please read and share with those who work and live with school-aged kids!

Helping Girls Cope with Bullying & Frenemies

The world of little girls begins as such a lovely place. Heart and rainbow doodles adorn notebook covers, best friendships are formed within seconds, and bold, exuberant voices carry squeals of carefree laughter and brazen delight. Happiness is worn on a sleeve, and anger is voiced with authentic candor.

Length-of-stay in this accepting, kindly world is time-limited for many girls, however. Seemingly overnight, sweet sentiments like, “I love your dress,” turn into thinly-veiled criticisms such as, “Why are you wearing that dress?” Yesterday’s celebratory birthday party becomes today’s tool of exclusion, as guest lists are used to enforce social hierarchies. Long before most school programs begin anti-bullying campaigns, young girls get a full education in social aggression.

What can adults do to help kids cope with inevitable experiences of friendship conflict and bullying?

To Intervene or Not to Intervene?

Adults often struggle with the question of, “Should I intervene in a child’s friendship problems?” The line between helicopter and hands-off can get confusing, as adults waver between wanting to protect young people from the pain of broken friendships and believing that bullying is an inevitable rite of passage. The bottom line is this; no child should have to find her way through painful conflict alone. Kids need adult support and insights when it comes to navigating the choppy waters of friendship, disguised as a weapon. Here are some fundamental ways parents can help:

Teach Her to Know It When She Experiences It

One of the things that makes relational bullying so insidious is its under-the-radar nature. It is things left unsaid and invitations not given. It is unexplained cut-offs in friendship. It is silence. This type of bullying is marked by crimes of omission that make it very hard for girls to put their finger on what they are experiencing in their friendships—yet the pain, humiliation, and isolation are unmistakable.

Adults play a critical role in keeping an open dialogue with young people and making them aware of the typical behaviors that mark this cruel form of social aggression. Knowledge is power; when girls know what relational bullying looks and feels like, they are better able to make a conscious choice to move away from friends who use these behaviors.

The remainder of this post is available on Psychology Today.  Click below for the direct link or cut and paste the following one in your browser: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201501/helping-girls-cope-bullying-and-frenemies

Helping Girls Cope with Bullying & Frenemies

For some young people, knowing how to organize materials, plan a work schedule and manage their time comes as naturally as breathing.  For others, these skills can be acquired with simple coaching and/or modeling from helping adults.  For young people diagnosed with ADHD or other challenges that impact the development of executive functioning skills, learning how to organize, plan, filter distractions, sustain attention, meet deadlines, regulate impulses, and all of the other skills needed to do well academically–and stand a chance at navigating distance learning–do not come naturally but rather require intensive, focused teaching.

This post, written by Sarah Gonser for Edutopia, provides a great list of the skills and strategies students need to develop and master the skills they need for learning.

Original link: https://www.edutopia.org/article/how-help-middle-school-students-develop-crucial-skills-year

As parents, caregivers, and people who care deeply about the well-being of young people, we are connected in our efforts to make the best possible decisions for kids as the 2020-21 school year resumes this Fall.  While it is clear that there is no one-size-fits-all pathway and that what works well for one family or community may not work at all for another, my hope is that in these days and weeks, we will give each other a lot of grace and support and maintain the positive assumption that we are all doing the best we can with the information and resources that we have.

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In the space that follows, I am sharing my own personal, curated collection of videos, posts and resources that I have found most helpful when it comes to thinking through safeguarding kids’ emotional, social, and mental health as they return to school in September.

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RECOMMENDED VIDEOS:

Pediatrician gives advice about sending kids back to school in viral video 

Spoiler Alert:  “The decision that you make about school is the right decision.  That’s it.  Each decision is imperfect….How you choose to think about the decision that you make will make it right.”

Classroom Job Assignments for this School Year

As you’ll see as soon as you open this link, this video was made to get a laugh…but as with most good humor, it’s funny because of the grains of truth it contains.  Please have a laugh at the video, then read my more serious request below:

A looming concern for me is how to extend the culture of kindness that Swain works so hard to create amidst the inevitable anxiety and apprehension that many students will carry in with them upon their return to classrooms and peer groups.  While it would be understandable for a well-meaning young person to back away in fear from a classmate who sneezes, to loudly point out someone who forgets to put their mask back on after a meal, or to spread the news that “So-and-So” got sent home this morning because he had a fever,” these fear-based behaviors will be perceived as hurtful and will create a school climate of isolation and fear, when what we all are working so hard for is to create conditions of safety and inclusion. We also want to make sure that students don’t repeat concerns they may have heard caregivers discuss, such as “So-and-so’s parent works in a hospital so they might have the virus” or even “He/she traveled to [country/state with a high incidence of COVID-19] so we shouldn’t play with him/her.”

I ask all parents & caregivers to have loving conversations with your child(ren) prior to their return to school in which you plan for how to keep themselves safe (social distancing, wearing masks, etc) while simultaneously expressing concern and compassion–rather than fear or even contempt–for others. 

With forethought and practice, I know we can help kids get their wording right.  As faculty, we will be using consistent positive & nurturing language to remind students how to care for each other upon the return to school.

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PRACTICING MINDFULNESS

The Breathing Fish

Square Breathing

The Power of One Breath (by GoZen)

Bring it Down (by GoNoodle)

This is such an uncertain time in all of our lives, filled with worries, anxieties, and concerns about health, safety, security and well-being. Now, more than ever, being able to manage stressful thoughts and control uncomfortable feelings is key for adults and kids alike.  During the school year, social-emotional skills such as mindfulness, stress management, problem-solving, and maintaining a positive mindset are taught and practiced regularly.  Skills like mindful breathing–the most efficient and effective method for calming an anxious, agitated brain–are easy to practice at home.  Studies are clear that the more mindful breathing is practiced, the more effective it is for calming worries and helping people feel emotionally regulated.  I highly recommend free apps like Calm and Insight Timer and love these videos (listed above) for kids.

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RECOMMENDED POSTS:

Answers to FAQ’s About Anxiety in Children and Adolescents

RECOMMENDED READ-A-LOUDS

CHECK BACK

In this excerpt from my book, Parenting the Challenging Child, I share a real-life example of a mother-daughter conflict based on their differences in perceiving a stressful event.  You are invited to “listen in” on their conversation and see how the mother turned the conflict into a relationship-building opportunity.

Is She Lying?  Or Does She Really Believe What She is Saying?

Original link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201909/is-she-lying-or-does-she-really-believe-what-she-is-saying