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Seeing Isn't Believing: Helping Young Girls De-Bunk Media Myths
2Check out this great video for sharing with daughters and talking about beauty pressures. As adults, we know that seeing isn’t necessarily believing, but it’s amazing (read: sad) how much kids buy in to what they see in the media.
Passive Aggressive Behavior in Schools: One Teacher's Learning Experience
9I just received this great bit of feedback from a teacher in Alaska who recently completed the one-day training on The Angry Smile. The feedback I’d like to return to her: don’t beat yourself up about the “could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve.” We all make mistakes with the kids we are trying to help and we all wish we could do even more for them. It’s an incredibly difficult profession!
Learning new strategies and applying them is something to feel proud of and excited about. So, no more “Shame on me’s!” Feel good about all of your hard work–it’s tiring and often thankless, but the rewards in lives-changed and hearts-touched are endless.
Participant’s Feedback:
For years I’ve referred to many of the behaviors on the
“Recognizing the Warning Signs” page as self-destructive. I suppose they are, but I had never viewed
them from the viewpoint of how they might be symptoms of passive-aggressive
patterns. Often knowing why a student is
acting a particular way is the one piece of information we lack, yet it’s the
most crucial one. Now I understand that
Elijah turned in poor quality work with appalling penmanship as a strategy to
deal with his anger. I can even begin to
formulate a theory as to what his anger might be about, but alas this student
has moved on from my class. I think I
will forever remember him as the student I was able to help too late. For future students, however, the Angry Smile
class has provided me with a great introduction to what I would like to learn
about passive-aggressive behavior.
I wish I could go back and say to this student, “I’m
thinking you must find this work to be a waste of your time. I think we should forget about this
assignment and work together to find some tasks that you will feel good about
doing.” Or, “I see that you might have
completed your work, but once again I am not able to clearly read your
handwriting. I really wish I could
accurately read your story, because I know you have a vivid imagination. I sometimes feel like I might be missing the
most important parts.” Did I ever tell
him in a positive way that his handwriting stunk? Never, not once in three years. Shame on me!
This is another class that I would love to explore in
greater depth. I can see myself in the fall better equipped to recognize those warning signs
and patterns, and I think that is a good first step.
4 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases from Kids–Just Sayin'
657Since the publication of The Angry Smile, I’ve been a collector of sorts–of examples of the way we all use passive aggression in our daily lives. It’s pure entertainment when I see sugarcoated hostility on reality TV shows–the Real Housevives of New Jersey comes immediately to mind–and it’s funny when my friends and neighbors share examples of the compliant defiance of their children and spouses. It’s a bit disturbing, on the other hand, when the passive aggressive behavior comes straight from the mouths of my darling daughters…
A sampling of this weekend’s passive aggressive phrases:
- “No offense, but…”
And you know you are about to be completely insulted…but can ascribe no ill-intentions to the insulter because, as she forewarned, she meant no offense.
- “Just sayin…”
A tagline used in a thinly veiled attempt to absolve herself from blame about the horrid thing she just muttered to her sister.
- “Can’t you take a joke?”
Straight from the girl bullying playbook, this faux-innocent question is used to justify hidden aggression and mask unkind intentions.
- “I feel really sorry for my sister because her balloon broke and I still have mine.”
When confronted, the excuse is, “What? I said I felt sorry for her!” When pressed, the acknowledgement is, “Yes, I was mad that she took my seat on the sofa, so I said that to make her feel bad.”
Will you add to my collection? What are the passive aggressive phrases commonly–“innocently”–uttered in your household?
The Kind Campaign's Big Challenge: Re-Tooling Monster High's Message
6Interesting article by Rosalind Wiseman, supporting the founders of the Kind Campaign while challenging them to advocate for more positive products and images for young girl consumers:
Love Wiseman’s concluding statement, “…it’s wonderful to change a girl’s life when she realizes the worth of being kind to others but it’s transformational to the culture if institutions like Mattel can similarly own up to “girl on girl” crime and become more KIND, and truly support girls in the process.”