Parenting

Rachel Simmons Offers Parents Advice on Cell Phone and Social Media Limits

603
13 years
by in assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying, Facebook, online, Parenting

Rachel Simmons, bestselling author of Odd Girl Out and co-founder of the Girls Leadership Institute (GLI), offers great insights and advice for parents on how to walk the fine line between stalking their children’s technology usage and taking a totally hands-off approach.  Her advice on effective limit-setting–and why limits are so important socially and academically–is great:

 

 

Parenting the Passive Aggressive Child

0
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggression in relationships, passive aggressive behavior in families

So, my sweet eldest child just muttered something about “I hate you. You’re the meanest Mommy in the whole world” as I was leaving her room. (Apparently she didn’t agree when I told her that homework was her responsibility.) Guess passive aggression and indirect anger are no longer something I need to be concerned about with her… So much for this approach I had just mastered:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/hidden-anger-how-to-confr_b_1119328.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#undefined

 

How do you approach passive aggressive behavior with your kids?

Girls Not as Nice as Sugar and Spice

0
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying, friends, Parenting, passive aggression

Check out this news story from “across the pond:”  Friendship & Other Weapons is featured in an article in the Irish Independent newspaper!

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/girls-not-as-nice-as-sugar-and-spice-2947208.html

Fine! Whatever! 8 Passive Aggressive Phrases Everyone Should Know

809
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, counter-passive aggression, Levels of passive aggression, Life Space Crisis Intervention, Parenting, parents, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior in families, passive aggressive behavior in relationships, passive aggressive conflict cycle

Do you ever feel like you are riding on an emotional roller coaster with your child? Is your little one friendly and sweet one day, then sulky and withdrawn the next? Does your teenager consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall and shut down any emotionally-charged conversation? Do you, as a parent, ever resemble that same portrait? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are good that passive aggressive behavior has found a way into your home and family.

 

Check out my article in the Huffington Post Parents section to learn about eight of the most common passive aggressive phrases and to figure out if “sugarcoated hostility” exists in your home and family.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/passive-aggressive-phrases_b_1116025.html

The Nail in the Fence: A Story about the Scars Left by Words Said in Anger

672
13 years
by in anger, Being a Mom, bullying, Parenting

This story, most recently posted on Sue Atkins’ (The Parenting Expert) website, reminds me of an activity I recently posted that teaches kids about the impact of bullying words.  The basic message of “The Nail in the Fence” is the same: words can wound, so use them with care. 

If you are living or working with kids and teaching important lessons about anger management, this is a great read:

 

The Nail in the Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.”

The Role of Compassion in Stopping Bullying

1366
13 years
by in Being a Mom, bullying, cyberbullying, Parenting

My heart is heavy after reading this story about Ashlynn Conner, a 10-year old child who hung herself.  According to her parents, Ashlynn was relentlessly bullied in school.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/14/ashlynn-conner-ten-year-o_n_1092683.html?1321290598&icid=maing-grid10|htmlws-main-bb|dl3|sec1_lnk3|112386

 

I always wonder about the bully and what motivates someone to be relentlessly cruel.  I ache for kids like Ashlynn who are hopeless, and see no light at the end of the tunnel.  And I think about all of the other kids in her world who knew about the aggression she was facing. 

Even having written a book on the subject, I don’t pretend to have any simple answers about how to stop bullying.  It’s a complicated problem and intervention has to occur on multiple levels.  That’s jargon for: we’ve got a LOT of work to do!  What I do know, though, is that fostering compassion is one of the most important missing links when it comes to creating a climate in which bullying becomes unacceptable.

In this recent HuffingtonPost article, I wrote about 7 ways that parents and nurturing adults can help kids become more compassionate.  I think it’s a mistake to assume that kids are either compassionate or they’re not.  Big hearts can be nurtured and compassionate kids hold a critically important key in creating cultures where bullying is not tolerated.

Whenever I talk with groups of kids about bullying, I share this mantra: It is never OK to do nothing about bullying. I have kids repeat the phrase.  I encourage them to shout it.  Sometimes, we see if the whole building can hear us!  I want kids to remember this truism.

Today, after reading Ashlynn’s story, another set of words–this time from Albert Einstein–are echoing in my head:

“The world is a dangerous place not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”    
 
  

What Parents Need to Know to Protect Their Children from Bullying

484
13 years
by in bullying, cyberbullying, Parenting

With just 3 days left before the publication of Friendship & Other Weapons, please check out this HuffingtonPost article on helping kids develop a positive future orientation:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/coping-with-bullying_b_1089911.html

Teaching Compassion to Kids

1130
13 years
by in building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying, Parenting

Experts agree that fostering compassion in young people is among the best ways to prevent verbal, physical, and emotional bullying.  Check out my post on Psychology Today, featuring seven ways to help develop compassion as a character trait and behavioral style in your child:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201111/teaching-compassion-kids

Very Funny! Why Sarcasm is No Laughing Matter for Kids

587
13 years
by in Being a Mom, Parenting

Sometimes, it’s just too hard to keep the sarcastic comments to myself.  Especially at the dinner table where my let-it-all-hang-out daughters really just ask for my husband and I to engage in witty banter about their manners, their singing talents, and their friendship dramas. Nonetheless, I know I should hold my tongue…

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/very-funny-why-sarcasm-is_b_1067668.html

Not Just for Grown-Ups Anymore: Why Assertive Anger Expression Skills are Helpful for Kids & Teens

663
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, kids, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children

From the time they are toddlers, children are often coaxed by adults to hide their feelings of anger behind a social smile.  Worse yet, kids hear the explicit message, “Don’t be angry,” and are actively encouraged to deny this most basic of human emotions.  When they act out—either through the tantrums of their earliest years or the rebellion of their teenage ones—they are reprimanded for all of the behaviors that adults do not want them to use.

 

Rather that hammering away at all of the things kids should not do when it comes to expressing their anger, parents and caregivers can effect lasting change in their kids anger-inspired behaviors by teaching them specific skills for how to be (more…)

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Signe Whitson is an author and educator on bullying, crisis intervention, and child and adolescent emotional and behavioral health. In her articles, books, and training workshops, Signe provides down-to-earth, practical advice for professionals and parents on navigating the daily challenges of living and working with children, tweens and teens.

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