Posts tagged parenting

From Perfection to Personal Bests: 7 Ways to Help a Gifted Child

13 years
by in Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls

You get the letter from school in the mail. A teacher has identified your child as potentially “gifted” and wants to send him or her for further testing and evaluation. Flash forward: the tests are completed, your child is a whiz, and enrichment classes will become a part of his regular school routine. What wonderful news!

It was in my family. Until all of a sudden, it wasn’t anymore. Instead of my seven-year old feeling enhanced self-confidence and pride in her intellectual and creative abilities, what I began to see was a newly anxious little girl who cried over imperfect scores on her handwriting test and wanted to give up books “forever” when she found out she placed second in her class’ monthly reading contest.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Please check out my post on PsychologyToday.com for 7 essential strategies on how professionals, parents, and caregivers can nurture a “growth mindset” in their gifted child.

Recognizing & Responding to Your Daughter’s Passive Aggressive Behavior

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13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, counter-passive aggression, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression in families, passive aggression in girls, passive aggressive behavior in families

Amber had been giving her mother the silent treatment all week. She was angry about not being allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. Late Thursday night, she left a note on her mother’s pillow, asking her mom to wash her uniform before Friday’s soccer game. When Amber returned home from school on Friday, in a rush to pack her gear, she looked all over for her uniform. She finally found it in the washer-perfectly clean, as per her request-but still soaking wet! Amber was late for her game and forced to ride the bench.

 

When all was un-said and done, Amber’s mother felt defeated. Having one-upped her daughter in the conflict, it was clear to her that she had lost by winning. As parents, most of us have been in situations where traveling the low road is irresistible and we become temporarily reckless in our driving. But anytime we mirror a child’s poor behavior instead of modeling a healthier way to behave, our victories add up to long-term relationship damage and lasting hostilities.

 

To read the rest of this post and find guidelines for how parents can maintain their calm in a passive aggressive storm and respond in ways that lay the groundwork for less conflictual relationships with their daughters, please visit my blog on Psychology Today.

Parenting the Passive Aggressive Child

0
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggression in relationships, passive aggressive behavior in families

So, my sweet eldest child just muttered something about “I hate you. You’re the meanest Mommy in the whole world” as I was leaving her room. (Apparently she didn’t agree when I told her that homework was her responsibility.) Guess passive aggression and indirect anger are no longer something I need to be concerned about with her… So much for this approach I had just mastered:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/hidden-anger-how-to-confr_b_1119328.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#undefined

 

How do you approach passive aggressive behavior with your kids?

Girls Not as Nice as Sugar and Spice

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13 years
by in anger, angry smile, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying, friends, Parenting, passive aggression

Check out this news story from “across the pond:”  Friendship & Other Weapons is featured in an article in the Irish Independent newspaper!

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/girls-not-as-nice-as-sugar-and-spice-2947208.html

Fine! Whatever! 8 Passive Aggressive Phrases Everyone Should Know

809
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, counter-passive aggression, Levels of passive aggression, Life Space Crisis Intervention, Parenting, parents, passive aggression, passive aggression by children, passive aggression in families, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior in families, passive aggressive behavior in relationships, passive aggressive conflict cycle

Do you ever feel like you are riding on an emotional roller coaster with your child? Is your little one friendly and sweet one day, then sulky and withdrawn the next? Does your teenager consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall and shut down any emotionally-charged conversation? Do you, as a parent, ever resemble that same portrait? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are good that passive aggressive behavior has found a way into your home and family.

 

Check out my article in the Huffington Post Parents section to learn about eight of the most common passive aggressive phrases and to figure out if “sugarcoated hostility” exists in your home and family.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/passive-aggressive-phrases_b_1116025.html

The Nail in the Fence: A Story about the Scars Left by Words Said in Anger

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13 years
by in anger, Being a Mom, bullying, Parenting

This story, most recently posted on Sue Atkins’ (The Parenting Expert) website, reminds me of an activity I recently posted that teaches kids about the impact of bullying words.  The basic message of “The Nail in the Fence” is the same: words can wound, so use them with care. 

If you are living or working with kids and teaching important lessons about anger management, this is a great read:

 

The Nail in the Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.”

Jane Lynch on Being an Advocate for Bullied Kids

1186
13 years
by in building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying

If you haven’t seen it yet, please go to my Facebook page to check out Jane Lynch’s amazing, spot-on anti-bullying video.  My favorite part:

 

“Bullying makes children feel like they want to be invisible.  Let’s let them know that we see them, we are listening, and they can count on us to make their lives better.”

Teaching Compassion to Kids

1130
13 years
by in building self-esteem in girls, bullying, cyberbullying, Parenting

Experts agree that fostering compassion in young people is among the best ways to prevent verbal, physical, and emotional bullying.  Check out my post on Psychology Today, featuring seven ways to help develop compassion as a character trait and behavioral style in your child:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201111/teaching-compassion-kids

Very Funny! Why Sarcasm is No Laughing Matter for Kids

587
13 years
by in Being a Mom, Parenting

Sometimes, it’s just too hard to keep the sarcastic comments to myself.  Especially at the dinner table where my let-it-all-hang-out daughters really just ask for my husband and I to engage in witty banter about their manners, their singing talents, and their friendship dramas. Nonetheless, I know I should hold my tongue…

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/very-funny-why-sarcasm-is_b_1067668.html

Not Just for Grown-Ups Anymore: Why Assertive Anger Expression Skills are Helpful for Kids & Teens

663
13 years
by in anger, angry smile, assertiveness, Being a Mom, building self-esteem in girls, bullying, kids, Parenting, passive aggression, passive aggression by children

From the time they are toddlers, children are often coaxed by adults to hide their feelings of anger behind a social smile.  Worse yet, kids hear the explicit message, “Don’t be angry,” and are actively encouraged to deny this most basic of human emotions.  When they act out—either through the tantrums of their earliest years or the rebellion of their teenage ones—they are reprimanded for all of the behaviors that adults do not want them to use.

 

Rather that hammering away at all of the things kids should not do when it comes to expressing their anger, parents and caregivers can effect lasting change in their kids anger-inspired behaviors by teaching them specific skills for how to be (more…)

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Signe Whitson is an author and educator on bullying, crisis intervention, and child and adolescent emotional and behavioral health. In her articles, books, and training workshops, Signe provides down-to-earth, practical advice for professionals and parents on navigating the daily challenges of living and working with children, tweens and teens.

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