Internationally recognized author & educator for professionals, parents, and kids
Parenting
There’s Nothing More Badass Than Being Yourself
13 years
Thought this photo was the PERFECT image to accompany the Huffington Post article I wrote yesterday, celebrating my daughter’s free spirit and creative thinking:
When Parents Mirror Kids’ Behavior: The Conflict Cycle on NBC’s Parenthood
13 years
The Conflict Cycle™ is Life Space Crisis Intervention’s (LSCI) major paradigm for understanding the dynamics of escalating power struggles between adults and children. In our training courses for parents and professionals, we explain that in times of stress and conflict, kids can create in adults their feelings, and, if not trained, adults will mirror their behaviors. In the heat of the moment, when adults do what comes naturally–what thousands of years of evolution have prepared their bodies to do–they often only make matters worse. That is why understanding the LSCI Conflict Cycle is the first line of defense against fueling further conflict.
This clip from NBC’s Parenthood is a perfect example of how Kristina gets caught in a Conflict Cycle and inadvertently mirrors Max’s behavior, thus escalating their power struggle. Ultimately, both mother and son lose out. The look of defeat on her face at the end of the clip says it all.
For more information on the LSCI Conflict Cycle and training for parents and professionals, please visit the LSCI link above or visit www.lsci.org
The Most Aggressive Defense of Teaching You’ll Ever Hear…by Taylor Mali
13 years
Wish I could have come up with this for all of the times that people have asked me why I used my Ivy League education to become a social worker…
Scratching Beneath the Surface: Recognizing Common Psychological Defenses Used By Kids
13 years
Don’t let the title of my recent post in Psychology Today fool you; little kids are not the only ones who employ psychological defenses to guard against emotional pain. Tweens, teens, and adults alike often go to great lengths to mask inner pain with defensive words and behaviors.
Parents, teachers, caregivers and friends who recognize common, defensive verbal façades are in the best position to support a child’s true feelings. Please check out my recent post on PsychologyToday.com to learn how to recognize four of the most common defenses used by kids.
Recognizing & Responding to Your Daughter’s Passive Aggressive Behavior
87713 years
Amber had been giving her mother the silent treatment all week. She was angry about not being allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. Late Thursday night, she left a note on her mother’s pillow, asking her mom to wash her uniform before Friday’s soccer game. When Amber returned home from school on Friday, in a rush to pack her gear, she looked all over for her uniform. She finally found it in the washer-perfectly clean, as per her request-but still soaking wet! Amber was late for her game and forced to ride the bench.
When all was un-said and done, Amber’s mother felt defeated. Having one-upped her daughter in the conflict, it was clear to her that she had lost by winning. As parents, most of us have been in situations where traveling the low road is irresistible and we become temporarily reckless in our driving. But anytime we mirror a child’s poor behavior instead of modeling a healthier way to behave, our victories add up to long-term relationship damage and lasting hostilities.
To read the rest of this post and find guidelines for how parents can maintain their calm in a passive aggressive storm and respond in ways that lay the groundwork for less conflictual relationships with their daughters, please visit my blog on Psychology Today.